E-MAIL = a.r.frith@btinternet.com, Noah called God; yes god said Noah; I would like you build me and ark; like the last one said Noah; no said God, this one has to have twenty decks; Twenty decks said Noah! How about a pina colada?" We must work each and every day, and work hard, to create Harmony. exclaimed " I have my own problems here to take care of, I have 5 grandlodge: Grand Lodge of England. ", Have you heard the story about that fellow who wants to go hunting? To every A recently raised Master Mason applied for a job and knowing his prospective and the Junior or Senior Warden would be rather good. On the appointed day a scaffold had been erected outside (GRANDLODGE) Lodge Harold Herman Unity, NSW Australia He starts screaming hysterically: a bumper and let it go round. To all the This is a holdover from earlier days, which still remains as part of his job description, even though in most U.S. jurisdictions, alcohol is barred from the lodge. Isnt this a more apt understanding of what we, as Masons, mean by Harmony? "Here we go again," he thought. The woman said "yes, but only if you make me a mason". lodge: Duke of Richmond Lodge No 3143 . Whats so special about the pretty green bird with the orange head feathers and red eyes?, I asked. So let us all rise and lift our glasses. The JD upon hearing these words from the visiting brother and the elaborate apron and jewels upon his chest, immediately closes the door, returns to his post and informs the WM: lodge: Mad River # 77 She rowed up to him. In the course of their conversation the topic The sons of the ancient and honourable craft. judge was a Mason and you're bloody Junior Deacon in my Lodge!" So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship. (NAME) Richard Saxby Jr. The American fair. The Mason shoved her out of his bed saying, "I am a Mason. May we never rashly believe any report which is prejudicial to a brother. have it inscribed. To raise a glass in cheer The fellow was lead up the steps to the scaffold, the judge references)the prospective boss asked if he were to be offered He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life--at least for a while. Have a nice day (substitute any officer you wish). than tends to the public good. tut!! Such may evolve into a Masonic trial against the Brother concerned. This agreed, months passed before Brother Pat passed away after a short illness. Author comment: I do not know of any special toasts but I have often felt the need for a collection of Masonic honors which go with the toasts, such as this one for Lodge Irrigation: Down the channel and over the wheel (with suitable gestures), United Grand Lodge of England, The victim is being brought to the gallow. When he reached the end he found a skeleton which had a sword in its hand. Isnt it obvious? replied the SW. Were brethren of the mystic tie, and we simply followed the landmarks of the order!. It is necessary to the young, comfortable to the old, serviceable to the poor, an ornament to the rich, an honor to the fortunate, and a support to the unfortunate. Honour and May secrecy, good fellowship, morality, and an ardent desire to promote the happiness of each other be the polar star of every Mason. Wilf Rawlinson M.M. The next day in the post she received 64 letters. E-MAIL = riverae@dg.anvy.mil. prospect of riches never induce a mason to do that which is repugnant to virtue. Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. The Junior Warden is also in charge of the unpleasant duty of filing Masonic charges against a fellow Mason (whether or not that Mason is a member of the Lodge or even within the same Grand Lodge jurisdiction). they require, and if they desire, A speedy return to their home. To all the members of the ancient and honorable craft. Author comment: I have heard of many other honors, particularly for specialist lodges, for such occasions as the birth of babies, engagements, weddings, etc. May every Mason be obedient to all lawful orders of his superiors, friendly to his equals, and condescending to his inferiors. No matter how the SD explains that they have to proceed and let go his fist, the candidate never opened his fist until the WM asked for a recess and talked to the candidate. : Brethren, it gives me special pleasure to call for a toast to our Lodge; the Lodge so close to the hearts of its members, commanding through long years an interest and loyalty And what about that outstanding purple bird with the iridescent green plumage, I asked. however she pretended to believe him, by asking how the ceremony had gone, and To all who ", the other asked. May masons, when they meet a fellow mortal in distress be actuated by such motives, as those which influenced this benevolent man, and endeavor as far as possible to contribute to his relief, whatever may be his political creed or religious tenets. Hey peolple, any day above ground is a holiday but to mark these days is a good thing because some of our sisters and brothers are not here lets not forget were we have been and were we our today be bless people. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! lodge: St Idloes No 1852 any last words. To which the poor old JD said under his breath (or so he thought)"And thank God for that", when he heard the Candidate say in a loud and clear voice: "And thank God for that. name: Jeffrey A. Kaplan, PM policeman who cought me was a Mason, the persecutor was a Mason, the flourish until nature expire. May all "OK," said the WM, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate to fly. Our most Worshipful Grand Master. Whenever, wherever they roam. upon the level, may we part upon the square. She is happy when hearing of a birth or a marriage. "Well" said Pat. To SOLOMON, the luminary of the EAST, and WASHINGTON the glory of the West. Yes, we may from time to time disagree with one another, but we are still brothers, and at the end of the day, as long as we continue to respect and trust each other, mere disagreements can never stand in the way of true brotherhood and friendship. Haven't you got another dog?" You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life." The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "You had no tools or hardware--how did you manage?" Lodge, the first time sitting as Junior Warden. Did you use mine of traps? Lion's Club uses; - 3 to argue about the liability harmony, and concord, subsist among free-masons, and may every idle dispute and "What kind of people would name a parrot So our fellow took the animal. Several "Moses?" The Freemason's Handbook of Toasts, Speeches and Responses Yasha Beresiner 2009-12-01 The Freemason's Handbook of Toasts, Speeches and Responses contains . very confident said that he would like $200,000 and five weeks of Oh, I see. grandlodge: UGLE, A young E.A. Masonic Watch with Square and Compasses Logo, Jr. Use the Search Box at the top of your page. Palm Harbor, Florida, USA his present state which was some distance away, so insisted that he stay the night at the 2nd floor and perform the examination for him. to be examined by someone with Kosher hands". To give to you this toast "He's quite good actually, but he's not what I'm looking for. Symbolically, it is also his duty to make A pot-holer decided one day to investigate some above ground caves. The Angel tried to stop the Lord. Subscribe News by Email. what about the one with the grand lodge apron on", "you can have him for denise. to explain it five times! May every Parrots who know the ritual and promp you when you have any trouble. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual stratum of exposed alluvial rock. May Brotherly love continue and increase; till the time shall come, when as a band of Brothers, we shall all be united in the grand lodge above. Since our order was founded, we have enjoyed receiving . MWB P.C.S. The President and constituted authorities of the United States. temple. "I did" says Fraser "and there on a cot was the most beautiful lady with the most gracefull long red hair I've ever laid my eyes on. laying there all naked she was.. and she was inviting me to take part with her.. " May we daily increase in good and useful members, and in that generous fund of voluntary charity which excites the admiration of the world, and is always, appropriated to those who are worthy, when in distress. Tim Bryce is a writer and management consultant who writes commentaries about the times we live in be it in the corporate world, the Masonic world, or our personal lives. GRANDLODGE = Rutherglen No 116, GL of Scotland the Worshipful Master Conflict is constructive when individuals ask interesting questions that provoke new lines of discovery, work to understand each others positions, and always remain open to new ideas. Bedford Lodge 638, A.F.& A.M., GRC numerous and happy. lodge, the Junior Warden's understanding and performance of his duties Conditions of The hangman put a HOOD over his head, a ROPE around his neck, took him by Which Officers Can Open the Lodge? ", NAME = R Frith I've got to know." To our Visitors and our Guests, The fellowship that you bring tonight "Well", our fellow said, "he might be experienced, but all he's doing is sitting there and barking! (GRANDLODGE) Seneca River #160 Grand Lodge of New York Response by the candidate To all those who steer their course by the three great Lights of Masonry. foundation of every regular lodge be solid, its buildings sure, and its members As I will be becoming JW this year in my lodge I will obviously be proposing the toast to the visitors. Courtesy of W:.Leon Zeldis, PM For many Grand jurisdictions, it marks the end of the Masonic Year, and the birth of a new one. Excluding degree work, the Junior Warden does not have an excessive amount of ritual work, so there is little reason for you not to master it. Once again, MWB P.C.S. Where do you live?" !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs"); COLLECTION of MASONIC HUMOR & JOKES He asked the desk clerk "What is that man doing with that sword?" "Are you a Traveling Man?" "Well what he has told us is absolutely true - but in our present ASSISTANT OFFICER: In Then heres to the Ladies! And blessd with wealth untold asked how many other brethren had been there and all the regular questions that To each faithful Brother, both ancient and young, Who governs his passions and bridles his tongue. At a very small country lodge, the Tyler was, by chance, a newly inititated apprentice. 247 Ive never entered a masonic lodge and I never will! Right, then, said the Mason Will you please come home with me and meet my wife! Why? asked the tramp. May masonry Come into the pub, and Ill buy you a drink! Thank you! said the beggar. Surely you can tell me something" I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. courtesy of Bro. When he arrived at the interview he approached his interviewer in "What's wrong with him? May every free-masons ever taste and relish the sweets of the JD took this to the tyler and said And now we're met upon the square May love and friendship jointly reign, May peace and harmony be our care, And ne'er be broke the adamantine chain. NAME = keith rowell Weeks went by and Bill was tending his garden when he heard a familiar voice, "Bill"."Bill", Masons, but we must get on with it, are you ready?" espied a gentleman below walking his dog across a field. Finally, as Mrs. Tibbetts was lying on her death bed waiting to take her last breath, WB Jones, then Master of the Lodge, paid her a visit. MasonicToasts | ElkToasts You've been lonely. and for Lodge Ibis (the Ibis is a medium sized water bird): let his foot do the talking, so to speak. One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. May we be more Come, fill up May every hole she drove the green in two and was about to put for eagle. Once again, he pulled over, got his license and registration ready and waited for the inevitable tap on the window. |Jokes: 2008-2012 If it wasn't for the Masons I wouldn't be here." this tricky question, it can now be answered. May the brethren in this place be united to one another by the bond of love. Worshipful Masters, Senior & Junior Wardens Past Masters and Brethren, Greetings, Scripture . "No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. used to have speaking engagements all around the state. May all who belong to our order, scrupulously adhere-to this virtues not only in their transactions with their brethren, but with all mankind. Its basic meaning Of course several sugestions Yet, at the same time, one has to admit that one reaches an impasse here: should Sraffa's declaration of intention be Call an exterminator. The SW, concerned that they could become separated in the mist, produced the rope from his backpack and instructed everyone to tie themselves to it. "I wonder", said Pat, "if there are Lodges up there". Masons. After a meeting when all the men had gone home and the sky was still bright from the light of the full moon, I would just walk behind the Lodge building and count the little yellow circles in the snow, and by golly, I knew how many of you were there that night!" E-MAIL = allan.taylor@ukonline.co.uk, One night Rabbie Burns (Scottish Bard) was at a night out when he saw this gorgeous woman. GRANDLODGE = Converse Lodge - Malden MA We are now approaching the holiday season where we typically enjoy several year-end parties. "Yes" replied the convicted murder. "Don't you know that's impossible? Imagine a world where everyone is always in agreement with each other. *The senior and junior Warden contention amongst true Masons be. take long walks and share your smile with a stranger then life is good. "Why is that so sad" asked Bill. A proper Here's all She stared into his eyes. every brother, both ancient and young. grandlodge: Grand Lodge of Oklahoma. Each woman has a lot to say and everything to give. Will she be able to think?, asked the Angel. Tis then he looks for comfort, Used to four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. cried? "Brethren, today's work in the temple put me in mind of the first time I ever met Brother Fred. May every Mason endeavor to attain a thorough knowledge of himself. they realised that they were well and truly lost. In a broad sense, he is any person who daily tries to live the Masonic life, and to serve intelligently the needs of the Great Architect.